Amnesia Read online

  She supposed that made good sense, supposed too that he deserved that much. After all, he was more or less in the same boat as she was. Both of them were going home with a spouse who was, for all intent and purposes, a total stranger to them now. “I promise.”

  His sharp, blue gaze possessed a look of relief in it. Apparently not the type of man given to emotional displays, Ryan schooled his features as quickly as he’d exposed them. “Thank you, Gaia. I—oh!” He released her hand and fished into his pocket. “How could I forget these?” he rhetorically asked as he pulled out two rings. “They belong to you.”

  Gaia didn’t know how to feel, but a promise was a promise. Her heart sped up again as she slowly extended her left hand to Ryan. He slipped a large, expensive diamond onto her ring finger first then followed it with a simple gold band that matched the one he wore. She briefly imagined how excited she must have been on both her engagement and wedding days when given such exquisite symbols of their marital covenant. If she had hoped seeing the rings would immediately spark her memories, she kept the thought to herself. “They’re beautiful,” she said truthfully. “Thank you.”

  His watchful gaze lingered at her ring finger and then again at her full lips before returning to her hazel eyes. “May they never come off,” Ryan murmured. “Never.”

  She resisted the urge to nervously chew at her bottom lip. “We should probably get going,” she breathed out. “I imagine the staff needs to sanitize the room before giving it to the next patient.”

  Gaia was nervous and she could surmise that Ryan knew it. He let it go and inclined his head. “I agree. It’s time for you to come home.”

  Chapter Three

  Gaia sat next to Ryan in the backseat of a black SUV. Two men in dark suits wearing ear pieces sat in the front seats. She scrunched up her nose, not knowing who they were or why they were even driving them. Obviously sensing her confusion, Ryan took her fidgety hand and held it. He pushed a button that made a partition she hadn’t known was there go up. “The driver is James. The passenger is Frank. Both men are a part of our security detail.”

  She blinked. “We have a security detail?” She wasn’t even precisely certain what that meant. “Like… bodyguards?”

  “Yes.”

  “I see.” She pulled her hand away from his. “And the men in the SUV behind us? Are they bodyguards too?”

  “Yes.”

  “Yours?”

  “Ours.”

  “I see.”

  Her frustration was obvious. Gaia splayed her hands. “Do you care to elaborate on why we need a ‘security detail’ in the first place or do you want me to keep asking questions? I’m pretty certain run of the mill politicians don’t make the kind of cash that warrants needing bodyguards so what exactly is it that you do?”

  His surprise appeared genuine. “The doctors… they didn’t tell you?”

  “No. They thought it was best that I learned about you from you.”

  He half snorted as he raked his long fingers through his short hair. “It would have been nice if they’d mentioned that fact to me,” he muttered.

  His irritation-mingled-with-bemusement seemed to rival her own—a fact she found oddly calming. For once he was as unsure of himself and his surroundings as she was of herself and her surroundings.

  “I’m not even certain where to begin,” Ryan admitted. “They really didn’t tell you anything?”

  “I was told you were somehow involved in politics, but that’s it. I figured you were a city councilman or something on that level. So far this doesn’t feel like that level.”

  “A city councilman?” He smiled without humor. “I wish.”

  “Parks and Recreation? The local school board?” she huffed. “What?”

  “Gaia…”

  “I’m listening. I feel overwhelmed as all hell, but I’m listen—”

  “Baby, I’m running for president.”

  The earth seemed to stand still. Her breathing grew a bit heavy. “President of what?” she asked, hoping he didn’t mean what she thought he meant. This was just too much for any woman, much less a woman with amnesia who’d spent the past few months doing nothing more exciting than crossword puzzles and coloring in children’s books. “President of what?” she repeated.

  His wolfish blue gaze clashed with her frustrated one. “For president of United Christian America.”

  Gaia released the breath she’d been holding in. “Thank God. For a minute there I thought you were going to say president of the United States!” She grinned, showcasing both her dimples—a small act that seemed to mesmerize him. “So what is the UCA? And why are you running for the presidency of a religious organization?”

  “I don’t think you understand.”

  “So tell me.” She visibly relaxed for the first time during the car ride. A car ride, she noted, that was being greeted by people waving at them with big and little flags, placards that read “Evans for Life!” and other such political paraphernalia. Her smile began to dissipate. “Who are all these people?”

  “Our supporters.”

  “Our supporters?” Gaia’s eyes widened at the endless sea of faces being held back by blockades. She looked again at the flags they were wielding and realized she had no idea what they represented. Upon first glance the waving flags looked like those of the United States of America, but now she could see that in lieu of fifty little stars there was but one big cross where the individual states should have been represented. “Ryan?” She turned her head away from the crowd and toward her husband. “What is going on?”

  “Gaia, I don’t know how to tell you this.”

  Her pulse climbed again. “Tell me what?”

  “There was a civil war.”

  “I know that. I don’t remember it, but I know I was shot in the head during it.”

  “Damn rebels,” he muttered.

  She waved that away. “Forget that part for now. What happened? Who won? What’s going on?”

  Ryan looked her directly in the eyes. “There was a civil war that sparked a revolutionary war. The United States no longer exists.” He reached for Gaia’s hands when she gasped. “We are rebuilding a new nation with the land and resources our military controls. The rebels have their own holdings too.”

  She felt nauseous. What in the hell could have happened during the years she’d lost to cause all this? Gaia had never been a political type, but she’d always been proud to be an American. It was a jagged pill to swallow knowing that her homeland no longer existed. She pulled her hands away from Ryan and planted them atop her overwhelmed head.

  “It’s okay, baby. I’m here and that will never change.”

  That vow shouldn’t have been comforting given that she didn’t remember him and barely knew him, yet it was. Ryan was her only lifeline in this sea of insanity—the only spark of familiarity she’d experienced to date. “So United Christian America is this new nation?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you are running to be—”

  “—Her first president.”

  Gaia’s hands dropped limply to her sides. “I see.”

  “This must be a lot to take in all at once.” He put a muscled arm around her shoulder and pulled her into him. She offered him no resistance. “Let me be here for you, Gaia. I promise to do everything I can to make your homecoming as smooth as possible.”

  She nodded, but said nothing. She allowed him to continue to hold her as she stared ahead unblinking. Ryan hit the button to the partition again, causing the window to drop away.

  “Take the underground,” he said to the men in the front seat. “Let’s get off the main roads.”

  “Yes, General Evans. Right away, sir.”

  Gaia blinked. Her hazel eyes widened. “You’re a general?” she whispered.

  Camera flashes went off, causing her heart rate to soar. Ryan pulled her in closer to him. “We’ll be off the main road in a few moments.” He gently kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry we came this route. You
must feel like you’re on display.” The cameras continued clicking away. “We’ll be home soon.”

  “One of us will,” Gaia murmured. “And one of us won’t even know where she sleeps.”

  “She sleeps with me,” Ryan said softly, but firmly. “Only with me.”

  Chapter Four

  “Home” turned out to be the newly rebuilt White House. It was a bigger estate than its predecessor and somewhat gaudier. Gone was the quaint colonial manor and in its place was a white and gold marble mansion that looked like something a televangelist would live in. The new White House had a more dramatic, gothic appearance. At its apex sat a large gold cross with UCA flags guarding either side of the religious symbol. Gaia shook her head in disbelief.

  By the time she was taken inside the mansion and shown into the sprawling presidential bedroom, she’d been bowed and curtsied to more times than she could count. She half-wondered if she was still in a coma at the hospital having a wicked, medically-induced hallucination. This was all too surreal to be happening. She didn’t like it—any of it—and she didn’t want it. What she wanted was to be alone. Ryan, unfortunately, had other plans.

  “We need to talk,” he murmured, dismissing his security detail. James and Frank closed the bedroom’s double doors, but presumably stood just outside them. Ryan took off his cufflinks and threw them on a nearby end table. He removed his suit jacket and tie next, laid them over the back of a chair, and walked closer. Rolling up his sleeves, he took a seat at what was apparently the table they were to eat their meals at. “Please, Gaia, come have a seat.”

  “I just want to be alone right now. Can we talk later?”

  “Please,” he said, his gaze imploring her. “I know this is a lot and I promise to give you some alone time to decompress, but we need to talk first. Surely you must have some questions you want answered?”

  She ran a frustrated hand through her mane of curls, but walked to the table. Sighing, she took a seat. “Look, Ryan, I know you mean well, but I’m going through too much to talk it all out right now.”

  “Just talk,” he said. “Tell me how you’re feeling.”

  “I’m feeling like I woke up in the wrong body! I’m feeling like I’m living someone else’s reality!”

  “I understand.”

  “No, Ryan, you don’t. You can’t! It isn’t possible.”

  “I’m sorry. That was a poor choice of words.”

  “You shouldn’t have to be sorry. You should have a wife who isn’t me—a woman who knows who she is.”

  His jaw tensed. “Gaia—”

  “I’m not saying I’m leaving you. I remember the promise I made to you all of two hours ago. What I am saying is I understand if you want out of this marriage because I don’t know that I’ll ever regain my memory and, quite frankly, I can’t reconcile the me I once knew with the me I’m supposed to be today.”

  “I don’t want out of this marriage.” His nostrils flared. “I will never want out of this marriage.”

  Her nostrils did a little flaring of their own. “Why? What do you possibly have to gain by staying with an amnesiac of a wife?” Her eyes rounded as a possibility struck her hard. She remembered the clicking cameras. “Does it help your poll numbers or something, having a pathetic little wife who can’t remember anything?”

  “Damn it, Gaia, you’ve gone too far!” The implacable veneer was gone. In its wake was a flushed face, a clenched jaw, and a fist that pounded once on the table. “Way too far!”

  She jumped a bit in her seat. She opened her mouth to speak, but he forestalled her with an upheld hand.

  “Only my innermost circle even knows you have amnesia,” Ryan told her. “Those people cheering for you—for us—have no idea you’ve been hospitalized all this time. I didn’t want that information released to the public because I didn’t want word getting back to the rebels that they were able to hurt you in any way. They don’t deserve that satisfaction.”

  His impassioned speech took the wind out of her irate sails. “Oh.” She cleared her throat. “So where do they think I’ve been?”

  “At our home in Atlanta. I told the world you wanted some time to recuperate from the wars.”

  “Is that how we met? Are you from Atlanta too?”

  “I made it my official residence after we married.”

  “I see.” She sighed. He hadn’t exactly answered her questions, but she was too bone-weary to needle him. “I guess I owe you an apology then.”

  “I don’t want one.” He reached for her hand and squeezed. “I just want you to keep your promise and give our life together a fighting chance.”

  She nibbled at her lower lip for a suspended moment. “You must have really loved me to go through all this.”

  “Love is too weak of a word. Multiply that emotion by a thousand times.”

  The sincerity in his voice and demeanor was unmistakable. Just like at the hospital, her heart broke for him again. He was in love with her and she didn’t even know his middle name. Gaia wished she could remember something—anything!—about him. Despite the spark of familiarity he roused inside her, she couldn’t. However, she could keep her promise not to dwell on the missing past and force herself to stay in the present for the sake of their future. She truly did owe him that much.

  “How is it we live here if the election hasn’t happened yet?”

  It was a neutral subject, but one that still interested her. On Ryan’s part, he seemed more than eager to turn the topic.

  “I’ve been the interim president until the people have a chance to cast their ballots and elect the first president of United Christian America.” He frowned. “As today is election day we’ll know by tonight if we’re staying on or returning home.”

  Gaia recalled the endless sea of supportive faces, flags, and signs. She highly doubted they were going anywhere. To keep herself from feeling overwhelmed, she chose not to think about the fact she would likely become the first First Lady of UCA.

  “Why did you choose the name United Christian America? Is there no longer a separation between church and state?”

  “There is a degree of separation, but not as vast as it once was. Anyways, I didn’t choose the name. The people chose it. They also chose Christianity as the nation’s official religion.”

  Her nose wrinkled. Why on earth would Americans have abandoned one of the founding tenants of the United States? Religious freedom was part and parcel of the American DNA. She thought back to the world events she could remember. Jihadists had been a rising threat at the time. “Did ISIS invade us or something?”

  “Terrorists did, yes. They were just domestic instead of foreign.”

  Gaia blew out a breath. She decided she didn’t need to know more right now. “Would it be okay if I took a shower and a nap? I’m feeling tired.”

  “Of course.” His smile showcased his laugh lines, putting her at ease. “I’ll show you where everything is.”

  Ten minutes later, Gaia was in the bathroom’s colossal shower, her eyes closed as hot water sprayed down on her drained body. The walk-in shower was quite elaborate with a sitting and standing area. Three main nozzles rained down while hot mist came at her from all sides. It reminded her of a waterfall in a rainforest. She took her time, letting her muscles relax, until she felt like an overcooked noodle.

  Turning the shower off, she padded out onto the plush rug in front of it and grabbed a towel from the nearby rack. Drying off, her gaze flicked to the massive wardrobe where her clothes were stored. Her pajamas, if she remembered correctly, were housed on the left side of the massive walk-in closet.

  Toweled off and her hair brushed out, she next walked into the wardrobe. She frowned as she leafed through her so-called pajamas. “Was I a raging slut before I got shot?” she muttered to herself. The old Gaia would have worn a long t-shirt to bed or maybe a matching set of night shorts with a cute little top. Apparently the new Gaia didn’t believe in leaving one’s body up to the imagination. “I can’t wear any of thi
s shit,” she ground out. “I might as well be naked.”

  She sighed. This was just too much. She supposed it made sense—a wife wanting to look sexy for her husband—but she was definitely not ready to be intimate with Ryan. Good looking he might have been, but her nerves were too taut and frayed to consider it. In the end she went with the least scandalous nightie she apparently owned, but that wasn’t saying much. Practically see-through, the silky turquois thing sported spaghetti straps, a plunging neckline that showcased her ample cleavage, and a dress that barely fell to her upper thighs.

  Well, Gaia thought, at least the negligee looked good on her. The gossamer fabric was a nice contrast against her light caramel skin and brought out the flecks of turquois in her hazel eyes. She just wished she didn’t feel so naked.

  By the time her long curls had mostly dried and she made her way to the palatial bed, Gaia no longer cared what she looked like. She just needed some sleep. Ryan, thankfully, was seeing to business matters just as he’d forewarned her he would be so she was able to dive under the covers without any embarrassment.

  She released a long, cathartic breath as she settled into the cloud-soft pillows and closed her eyes. Her last cogent thought was that she could get used to this… if she let herself.

  Chapter Five

  Tortured screams. Drones. Guns firing. Hand-to-hand combat. Dead bodies everywhere. Massive casualties. Billowing smoke rising up from the various buildings on fire. A little boy with flaming red hair crying over his mother’s lifeless corpse. Not the little boy, she thought in horror. She couldn’t just stand by and watch one of those fuckers take out another kid…

  A scream of outrage and anger warbled from her throat. She was wounded, but she managed to bend over and scoop up the little boy, plopping him down on her left hip. He grabbed a handful of her long cornrows and fisted them tightly. Holding the child with one hand, she used her free one to shoot at the enemy with a pilfered gun.